Wednesday, February 25, 2015

How to journal....

Keeping a journal is a good idea, it can get you through many tough times, it can remind you of the good times too. The key is to be consistent in writing everyday and to cover all the important parts of your life and day. It can help you learn, grow, to become better day by day. If you want to stretch you mind, if you want to learn to think better; keep a journal.

Here are a few things I have learned about keeping a journal:

1. Do write the date, time, place at the top of every entry.
If you want to get really creative write the moon phase and temperature too.
2. Write everyday.
3. Don't be afraid of your feelings, until you put them down you never know what you really think.
4. Review every few months.

If you carry your journal with you, then that five minutes of down time can be used to write, even if it's good or bad times, you can make a note of it. Keep writing until you feel grounded in your life, comfortable, confident, and happy.

After years of keeping journals and reviewing the progress you have made you can feel pretty good about your efforts, and remember where you were and what you were doing. Maybe they won't make a movie about you, that's not the point; keeping a journal is good for your mind. Keeps you on your toes and thinking, growing, learning. Try to write something different everyday without repeating yourself. Watch your creativity grow.

here is a link that is more in-depth than I am covering here with some good ideas.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Essay 02

I have heard it said that five percent of the people think, ten percent think they think, and the other eighty five percent would rather die than think. This essay is for the ten percent that think they think. I want to feed your mind, you don't have to think like me, you just have to think.

I have said that to know the truth you have to know what some of the lies are. That is because if you believe the lies you won't see clearly the real truth they want to hide from you. I am not going to tell you what the lies are, you have to think and ponder those things yourself.

What i can do is ask some questions to guide you into asking yourself the tough questions that you need to understand. No one can do this for you, you have to be willing to go there in mind and spirit regardless of how it makes you feel. There is the main point, most people are afraid of thinking because they don't want anything that makes them feel bad. Most people want sunshine and rainbows all the time, they don't want to think because they are afraid of their own thoughts.

You can overcome these fears and still be happy. You can ask yourself the questions and think about the answers for a long time. The truth is once you begin to enjoy thinking, you might find it difficult to ever stop. In zen they talk about enlightenment, I don't care what you want to call it; thinking is good for you. Most people reach a point that they stop growing, they stop learning and become comfortable with they way things are. I believe this is unhealthy. To truly rise above the status quo you have to learn, grow, and push your comfort zone everyday.

Thinking requires breaking your comfort habit and exploring things that make you uncomfortable. Thinking for long periods with no direction will spin your wheels and not take you very far. The goal is to reach a destination in mind and spirit. To be content with life, to be happy and at peace with all beings.

If you find your always angry or you get upset easily, if your bitter in spirit; you have a long ways to go. Not everything is about you, not everything is about your fragile insecure ego. When you learn to think your ego learns to relax, you don't have to always be right. This is where virtue comes in, a person of virtue can be patient enough to learn something new, no matter how long it takes to understand.

The answers won't come in a second, an hour, a week, or even a year. The thought process takes a long time to become clear. To begin start asking questions about what you already know, challenge the answers. Make arguments for and against them until your completely confused. Then look to see what the lies are until you have truths you understand. Only when we lose ourselves can we find our true self.

It's important to be patient with your mind. If your in a hurry you may as well stay in your small superficial world and never bother with these things. If your in a rush to get somewhere you had better hope you have already gained the ability to think for yourself. Learning to think for yourself in your own way is the most rewarding gift you can give yourself. Freedom of thought, Freedom to control your thoughts, to be free from manipulation of the media, news, and propaganda will make you happier in the long run.

Most people live their lives on auto pilot, only thinking what they already think they know. Pride is the enemy. To navigate the world of pure reason you have to always be a beginner in spirit. In the experts mind there are few possibilities, in the beginners mind there are many. At first there will be confusion about why there are so many possibilities. Find the ones you like to think about and ponder them in depth.

Take out the distraction from your life and see what is left to think about. If you take the distractions away you have more time to think about what's important. Learn some new skill or trade. See how long it takes you to master it. Then move to something else, and master that too.

Poem: Failures

By Edgar A. Guest

'Tis better to have tried in vain,
Sincerely striving for a goal,
Than to have lived upon the plain
an idle and a timid soul.

'Tis better to have fought and spent
your courage, missing all applause,
Than to have lived in smug content
And never ventured for a cause.

For he who tries and fails may be
The founder of a better day;
Though never his the victory,
From him shall others learn the way.

Poem #?

Burning in the ether, blind wild eyes, made of glass; they feel no pain. Hunger no longer hurts, isolation is pretty. The lonely star is grateful of wonder and awe.

Burning alone like a mad queen that no longer wants anything. Would a companion make thee blind? The shrine of sacred geometry, fluid in the lungs.

Air is sullen, ashes in space regather their strength to fight again. "One more time!" they say. Our time has come and gone, and the ashes gather for one more fight.

What's the matter? One atom in space is lonely, two make a pair.  A star is no less than one, it's nearest neighbor light years away. Yet the frequency can not be heard by ears on earth, all the stars are talking, no one here listens.

It's a private conversation between the stars, about the great joke. If you look up you can see them laughing at men's struggle, for men know nothing of eternity.

Zen Saying #2

a zen student once asked his teacher, "if you don't mind, I would like to ask you a question." the teacher replied, "I mind, it's a way of thinking."


Essay 01

Do you think if you were enlightened you would be happy? I have an answer for this question that requires a longer explanation than normal. Without getting too technical this is a brief introduction to zen enlightenment.

Which part of the sentence do you focus on? Do you focus on the word enlightened or do you focus on the word happy? There is a big difference and depending upon your goal you can certainly be happy without being enlightened. The real question is can you be miserable and enlightened? The answer is yes you can. Nirvana is happiness, enlightenment is different.

Enlightenment does not come from anything but experience, it's like being wise about your heart and mind.

When you become enlightened it's not something you can teach to another person, there is no way to explain it, you just feel it. Does it make you happy? Maybe. It causes a sense of peace, however it can be frustrating because when you interact with others who are not in the same mind set, you will find there is no way to teach them, except through example.

Being enlightened is a conscious state of being you really feel no more happiness than sadness; the two are balanced. What you will find is that your mind will accept things more peacefully. It's like the peace after having fought a war with yourself for many years and having finally won.

To be enlightened is to know one's self very well. To have fought that internal war of the mind and heart and then having peace that never really ends; granted you can live with yourself for that long. The problem is most people are fighting with their heart and mind, the battle between consciousness and sub-consciousness. Once you master the balance, you find you can never really teach it. It's not even possible to explain clearly. You can see it in yourself by how you judge others, an enlightened soul knows not to judge.

In truth i'm not a very good zen student, I am trying.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

- Dylan Thomas


the candle shows signs of hope;

a flame to burn for me.

lost in the dead sea of ether;
all hope vanishes to infinity.

dead and dead again,
back from the dead to live again.

my past etches in my brain;
surface again.

a billion upon a billion lives;
those i've lived, all those i've died.

bursting in one final thrust to live;
into ashes,
into the deep black nothing.

neither dead nor alive. see my soul like new.
burning like that candle;
my death is like,
the times you snuff it out.
and my life is like, the times you light it up.

i'm burning the candle at both ends with a blow torch.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Tough as Nails

It began over a cup of coffee in a world that looked much like this one, some five thousand years ago. many of the people looked the same, some of them even had the same names. you may wonder at how those of us that know the truth would know such a thing. the answer is simple, we used to vacation here, before the enemy came and ruined what was once a good thing.

Her name is Amber, we met at a locals hang out that catered to those who rode motorcycles in the canyons at speeds faster than sanity would allow.

She was there with her twelve friends all on matching green bikes and yellow riding gear; they looked tough, in a world of softies they could still pass, yet something told you they were driving nails in with hammers on the inside.

she sat at table ten by herself and watched the wanna bees as they approached her friends and got shot down like mamma's boys who couldn't handle the heat. having been a regular i didn't bother to ask if i could sit at table ten; i just pulled up a chair and sat down. we didn't say a word for some ten minutes, neither of us asked each other for a name, it wasn't necessary.

Finally when the timing was right i asked her if she had a full tank of gas, she nodded her head once in a downward nod that neither gave anything away or confirmed anything what so ever. she pointed to her bike which was backed into a spot by itself and said, "if you have the guts and can beat me to the springs without dropping below a hundred and five, i might think about seeing a local movie with you; beware that isn't a date, it just means you might get to see me again."

No words were necessary, i signaled two fingers on my left hand, and said, "you can have a sixty second head start." she laughed and said, "you won't ever catch me" with nothing more than a nod i waited for her to get on her bike and hit second gear twenty feet out of the parking lot. true to my word it was sixty seconds later when my bike hit forty two miles an hour and pulled out onto the street. there was light traffic on the surface streets, nothing we couldn't navigate, the only rule was red lights you had to go through backwards and the if you ever dropped the bike in the pavement you really lose points.

The springs were some twenty miles to the east, time was of the essence. with only one more light before the on ramp to the freeway the light turned yellow, i shifted the bike into fifth gear and watched the mirror for the light to turn red, which it did half way through the intersection, i spun it around and pulled the clutch doing some seventy five miles an hour when she came through the intersection, cut me off and turned her bike sideways making the turn into the freeway on ramp and hitting sixth gear, i turned the bike around and let the clutch out in sixth gear and pulled the throttle to where it opened the pipe full open.

ten minutes later...

We were sitting at table five zero one at the springs and food was on the menu, we each ordered and not long after having eaten, we were standing outside in the parking lot discussing something at that point it didn't matter, everything was as good as gold. we knew the times were changing, there were bad things on the move no one wanted to talk about. we didn't go there, some things like that you just don't talk about with anyone. we spent a lot of time thereafter together riding and training for impossible shit. my teams were on the move and kept a close eye on our safety. we had a radio com link implanted in our right ear just for such things as emergencies.

Amber and her team of twelve were known as the Anarchists, they all had bad boyfriends, who were off the record, most people never met their boyfriends twice, especially if they were trying to score a date with an anarchist. those that rode with me all had very tough girl friends who were on the record, and proved to be the jealous type.

The world however was changing, it wasn't the people, it wasn't that god was angry with anyone, it was that the true enemy from afar was going to arrive any day and someone had to turn the system on to the most dangerous mode possible when the enemy got there. it was the same routine, it even looked like the same life as this one. it's not. what used to be a vacation spot has turned into hostile territory.

The world changed when the enemy arrived. those of us who were awake when it hit, we remember what happened. the whole world ended, everyone was moved to different bodies and given different names, and no one had to tell us we were to never trust anyone ever again. from there we have been fighting the likes of an enemy that outnumbers us a thousand to one, and when they die they seem to come back faster than we do. which most of the time isn't a good sign.

Now in the year two thousand and one, we are sixty five thousand strong, our sports are not as wild and we don't show off that were skilled; as you never show the enemy what your good for until after they have tried to strike. our sports include but not limited to placing black and yellow bumper stickers on old peoples cars that they will never be able to get off, sometimes in broad daylight as it ups the thrill of doing it without getting caught. we leave large letter A with a circle around it, all over the place. we pretend to drive faster than the speed limit in our heads, sometimes covering as far as we can see in a split second.

We look peaceful, we are peaceful most all of the time. we keep the names and phone numbers of those who piss us off in a database, someday after the world has gone to hell we might make a collect phone call to those s.o.b.'s. we don't bother using drugs, were on high alert for incoming. we know the schedule: "Up at five ten, cup of coffee and a hot shower, eat, second cup of coffee, do days work and before sun down brew more coffee, cold shower, second cup of coffee, supper and not to sleep before midnight."
We don't have time to get drunk. what a waste. been there done that. nothing good ever happens when you mix seven day week with booze. it's a mess.

Yet i count the days that she's been gone, in my spare time i print black and yellow car decals that say: "Gottcha" and walk around putting them on peoples cars who hopefully won't be able to get them off; then i drive around town looking for people who don't have one and find out where they live. finally one gloomy day in june, a blonde on a bike pulled up and asked, "who are you looking for?" i noted the color of her riding gear and said, "looking for my Amber, have you seen her?" she shook her head and said, don't bother trying to find us, we know where you live, we will find you." i nodded once and she floored the bike taking off in second gear.

After that i spent many days pounding nails and didn't care about printing decals. i walked out to check the mail, it was the usual rubbish save but one letter that wasn't from anyone and addressed to me. i opened it to see it contained a note in a fems writing style, seems it was my chance to meet my amber or at least find out where she is. the instructions said to go to the club on main street known as the blue falcon. i showed up five minutes late and wondered around, the place was packed so i found a table in the back corner and waited. nothing and no one bothered me for some two hours.

until the bar tender said there was a problem with my bill and asked me to step in back to speak with the manager. from there it was a little strange, the manager asked me if i was carrying anything and i told him, "just a single edged knife in my front pocket." he asked for it and then had the bar tender check me for other weapons. "you will get your blade or one better back when you leave here." the manager said in a almost silly tone that made me want to mock him. from there they took me upstairs to where the real party was, and it didn't take five minutes to meet half my team from days of old. they knew the question on my mind, but we didn't breath a word of it.

we knew the first rule was someone had to throw a pizza party and make it look real. i told my top right wing man to setup the pizza party and i have reason to believe that we all hoped the anarchists would show up. seems there was more than one teem on top tonight and that meant everyone else was looking for the same things we were. in just twenty minutes time the top misfits had met and knew that things were going on. we didn't bother to discuss anything important, who knows what kind of trouble there was on the brew in the matter of a day or two.

as i left i stopped back by the managers office, he was waiting for me, seems i didn't notice the backpacks that were lined up in his office; or maybe i just thought they were employees bags, however second time in i notice they were almost all identical and it appeared to be fifty two bags that were in his office. the manager reached down and handed me one at random, "don't bother opening it here" he said to me, "just pull your bike about a mile down the road and to the side, sit in the dark and wait for your contact."

i went ahead and asked, "who should i be waiting for?" and the manager winked left once and said, "some anarchist in a real bad mood." i figured right quick things were going to get rough in a hurry. i put the bag over my shoulder and spun on my heals and walked out fast enough but not too fast to draw attention. i doubt anyone even saw me leave the place. i swung one leg over the seat of the bike and brought it center, pushed the kickstand back to riding position fired up the bike and hit second gear before i made the pavement. there wasn't really any good place to pull the bike over and wait, so i drove an extra mile turned it around and put the bike on the other side of the road right at where the mile marker would be.

figured if anyone asked me what i was doing, i would tell them i had to take a piss. it was some ten minutes later, a bike doing about a hundred and twenty came by going the right direction, whoever it was passed me, five seconds later locked it up, and came back my way, it was defiantly a fem, and she demanded, "What's your name?" i told her my usual code de arms, and she said, "leave your bike here, and get the fuck on, were all relocating tonight with new gear too."

i could tell by her voice it wasn't amber so putting my arms around her was kind of out, this one was just doing us all a favor. i held on to the back handle bar and leaned forward as much as i dared. ten minutes later at a speed i knew to be over a hundred we arrived in boxton flats, where as odd as it was there were two semi trucks and about fifty two people looking over the wares. i got off the bike and thanked the rider for a safe trip and found someplace out of the way to watch what was going on. there wasn't any cars on the big rigs, just bikes, and from looking around most of these people didn't have the backpack i was carrying, they must be getting theirs later.

i saw some of my team show up about twenty minutes later, they were carrying their backpacks on both shoulders, i could wait to open mine until the time proved itself necessary, if they were all the same they were packed per protocol and i could find anything i needed in the dark with my eyes closed in under twenty nine seconds. not that we do it that way except in training missions. this was no drill. i heard the sound of foot steps coming up from behind, about ten paces back, the fem knew i had heard her because i signaled two with my right hand and her voice gave her away, "you about ready to ride?" i didn't dare say her name, nor did i turn around and give her the hug i so wanted to.

i simply said, "yeah, ready when you are, what's the floor for this one?" i could have swore she smiled and said back to me, "were riding solo, no less than one twenty until we refuel. and no showing off. something bad is going down." i followed her back to the bikes that had been tuned and ready to ride, we put our riding gear on, black on black and yellow bikes. we hit the road in fourth gear and in less than sixty seconds were doing a hundred and forty miles an hour headed east, although our helmets had com links we didn't use them unless a turn or exit was approaching.

we rode for two point eight hours at those speeds, and no doubt amber knew it was me, she stopped just behind me at the fueling station and walked up to me and tried to land a head punch at me, i blocked it but didn't swing back. she knew. she was pissed off. seems that i had blown the only cool hang out for us a few years back and we had to go solo all this time. though no fault of my own, seemed the second team was watching my back the whole time, someone had actually tried to kill me. i looked back at her and wondered if i dare give a her a big hug yet, but something told me the hanger still had ice in it.

from there after we fueled the bikes, we rode into the city where a small flat was waiting for us. we parked our bikes in the garage and took the steps in the back up to the first floor and amber had the key to open the door. we went in and placed our bags by the door, after which we spent a long time talking about the last twenty one years that we had been missing each other. 

time passed....

Life After Death: The New Life

I'm standing in line at the intake booth for the departed, i've been awake for forty-five minutes and spent ten minutes in line. It looks like if my paper work was filed properly my next life should begin in less than two days time.

I've heard whispers that the world has changed since I left it, almost two centuries ago, I hear they need good strong people that can make a difference in a world of hostile and sometimes downright aggressive people.

Standing here now, I see five people in front of me, at least I'm stable, the woman in front of me is in tears and doesn't stop sobbing but for a minute before breaking down again. At least the line is moving, I wonder why I slept for so long? Two centuries of total rest is a long time.

Ah, the line has moved again and now it's down to just three people in front of me, I'm looking forward to a new life and all the times that come with it, good and bad. I've been doing this for almost as long as I can remember, living life on earth and sleeping for a while in death before coming back to earth to live again. I seem to recall it was four ages ago, that's ages of the earth, nothing you can relate it to in terms of years, it's a long time.

I've seen people in this line often, never anyone I knew personally; there must be a lot of people in this place. Looks like the line has moved again, I should be getting my paper work when the woman in front of me steps before the assignment operator, that's the person who keeps the schedule for new assignments.

I wonder how they keep this place so clean, it's always looking like a cleaning crew of a thousand just finished a through detailing of everything. No, it's not heaven, it's just a gateway to a new life on earth.

Ah the woman in front of me just stepped into the spot to discuss her arrival to a new life, she's stopped crying, maybe when she read her paper work she got good news. Looking to my right the second attendant is reaching out his arm to hand me mine. I reach out and take the paper work, it's stamped with a green circle with a number in the center, the number is the serial number for how many lives i've lived, looking at it some people get overly impressed and think too highly of themselves. To me it's about the quality of life I have and not the number of lives I get to live. Besides when wars come it usually takes me fifty to a hundred lives to see it through before things really become peaceful again. My number is a modest five digit number, it's a good number because it means I'm going to get to live again.

Sometimes people don't get an assignment, which usually means wild life detail, meaning they have to go through the entire cycle of animal life from start to finish only becoming what ate them last. It's hell. They don't get a number and the stamp is in red ink on the paper work. It looks the the woman in front of me just finished and she's not in tears, maybe she got a good life. I hope so. As I step forward to the attendant I hand him my paper work which he opens, and begins to read, he looks at me, looks at the paper work, smiles ever so slightly and says, "Your on the two o' clock train for planet earth, looks like they need you this time around. Have a good life." he hands the paper work back to me and I step through the gate to the boarding area, I won't have time to look at the assignment until after I get on the train, right now I have to find the boarding area for the train I'm scheduled for.

Walking through the crowds that are lined up, along the hallways it looks like many of these people are all getting new lives on planet earth, anyone on wild life detail almost always goes against their will, it's not the kind of thing you forget.

Looking down the hallway nearly half way down I see my gate, it's marked with green lights and has a number on it, I look down for the first time on the paper work to read the number below my serial number, the number for the gate to the train, it's number seventeen, how interesting I'm scheduled to be born on the seventeenth into the world. Most new people wouldn't know this, i'v been through this a few times, hell i've been through wild life detail twice.

I hear the bell, and the doors open letting people who were lined up in front of gate seventeen, they pour into the landing area only to see the train hasn't arrived yet. But it's coming. I walk in and hold my paper work in my left hand and for the first time reach up to touch my face. I don't feel anything. It never ceases to amaze me that this place is real. You can't touch anything, not even if you tried.

That must be the secret of how they keep everything so clean. In the distance you can hear the train coming in, it's a low rumble that sounds like a thousand engines and a million wheels. It's odd, this train will be taking people up the line as they are born in different years, people never go backwards, but they do make stops in the future. Looks like there will be a few hundred people on my train, being that I'm in seat two hundred means my stop should arrive near the end of all the other stops.

Looks like I'm going in near the end of this era and the end of a world. Those are always most difficult times for everyone. This happens to me a lot, they only put me in when I'm really needed and it usually comes at the end. Hate to miss all the fun with times in between. I have no memory of my last life, it's been blocked from recall in this place. It's too stressful, they can't have people breaking down in puddles on the floor, the clean up would be too expensive not to mention people wouldn't go back if they knew how bad the last time was.

I take a spot near the end of the line and stand with my back to the wall while the train pulls into it's landing zone. Looking down the rows of others like me, it's strange to see them. They might have been people I knew, not likely though; these people look fairly fresh, I'm sure some of them had to be helped into the gate being that they were unsure which train they were on. Everyone that lined up is fairly new.

I look up and see the train is standing waiting for the conductor to open the doors. There isn't any passengers on the return trip, no one ever gets here via train. As the conductor opens the doors, people who are totally unsure of themselves or where they will sit are moving forward to finding their seats. I'm going to wait a few minutes, looking at the wall where the digital clock is printing the time in green ink shows that we have one hour before the train will move an inch.

I might wait ten minutes. It's not likely anyones assignment on this train will change, that almost never happens. Just hope my assignment is good; I'm looking forward to a new life.

The line moves as people shuffle into the train holding the only thing that matters until they get to their next life, their paper work and instruction for their next life. I can hardly wait to read it.

As the crowd has boarded the train I go to find my place, entering the train and looking down the right side of the train for the seating chart. I have to look at my paper work again to see I'm in seat two hundred I walk down the isle and smile at other passengers. Some of them are reading their paper work, this is one of the places people could have a nervous breakdown.

Anyways I find my seat with little to no trouble and get comfortable, not difficult to do. Looking at the clock on the back of the chair in front of me I see it's thirty minutes until two o' clock. I take my paper work out and look at the front of it, and as I do so the doors to the train are closed and the conductor makes his all aboard speech. It's about ten minutes later, after everyone has made sure their on the right train, the conductor wishes everyone a happy birthday, welcome to the seventeenth via the express route.

Now I unfold my paper work to see about two pages of detailed information about my next life. The top is stamped with the train time stamp for departure from the train and arrival into the world. Mine says 5:50 AM, uh! It's one thirty now and my stop doesn't get here for over fifteen hours.

This I can deal with. I will need the time to plan my life based upon the assignment that has been given to me. I read it once and think about it a bit. I read it twice and think about what needs done. The train begins to move, where rolling now. I hear the whistle blow seventeen times and and were headed for a new life.

The hours pass, passengers have no choice to dis-embark, their not given an option. It just happens. Could you imagine the delays we would have if people were given the choice to get off the train? No one would make their stops. It would no doubt be a huge mess and total waste of time. This system works at least.

It's been ten hours I'm tired from sitting, my assignment weighs on me. So much to do. It sounds like times will be tough. At least their isn't a major war taking place. It could have been worse.

Things are going good enough. Everyone has stayed stable. It's never good to start a new life in a major tizzy, the people that have been here before know this. A few of the new people are still laughing over the conductors speech. That's good. They won't know what hit them until it's far too late.

The hours roll by, and my stop is next.

Chapter One - To Error Is Human

The computer had been spitting out garbage for the last half an hour, the computer operator noted that to really screw things up requires a computer. They used to keep track of people on paper with check boxes and roman numerals. Now days the computers were keeping track of everything and only printing reports as needed. However the last few weeks it seems every report was just a garbage mess, they didn't make any sense. The man who operated the computer called tech support and asked someone to come in and tune the reports again so they could make sense of the last months reports.

Alex isn't the computer operator, he isn't even the tech support. Alex is amber's boyfriend unofficially and off the record. They meet in random places and ask each other for a name and find some excuse to go off and have fun when their not riding motorcycles together. You see both alex and amber live in a time when dating is not permitted, they are both to be married to different people by a pre-arranged system that is way out dated. They do however love each other, so it's all good as far as they are concerned.

The computers that keep track of who and where people are works off a twenty-seven digit pin in the mobile phone everyone now carries. People are tracked based upon proximity to each others phones, and the reporting detects people that spend too much time together. What most people don't know is that amber is a computer hacker and alex built a box that scrambles the twenty-seven digit pin code into a different number every time their phones enter a hundred foot proximity.

Alex figures they can see each other a few thousand times before they have to either get new id's or figure out a way to get married. Amber keeps track of patterns to make sure things stay random and chaotic, alex makes sure the bikes are tuned and in tip top shape. The computer operator doesn't know it, the data being spit out of the computer system in number nine south west is accurate, but no one in their right mind would believe it. Amber's program makes sure that the reports always show her leaving just five minutes before alex ever enters the area. Sometimes it's true if you count where alex was a week ago and where amber is now.

Alex is headed north by north west, amber is headed west and fast. At over a hundred and thirty miles an hour she's the fastest thing on the road; maybe except for alex who is doing one ninety eight.

Alex in his spare time works as a water garden sculptor, which his clients pay premium prices for his service of knowing how to create the most "Zen" garden with koi imaginable. His current project has been on the clock for some three thousand hours, he spends his time putting the perfect finish on the black onyx that makes the water falls look like black ice. Before he's finished he will have used 1/2 ton of black onyx and about 2 tons of rock and pebbles in a ten thousand square foot area with a large koi pond at the bottom.

Amber's family is independently wealthy, old money so they say; amber spends her time in books, writing letters to friends, and dreading her upcoming marriage in just two years. She's got no idea who they have her paired with and she doesn't want to think about it, all she cares about is seeing alex again and riding on her motorcycle. Alex hasn't received his notice of marriage, however he's due for it any day now.

Karen and the Hibachi

The hibachi wasn't the problem, she had lived with cooking her meals some five years on the hibachi that worked great. What most people including her family didn't know was that she lived a secret life, deep down inside somewhere Karen is an anarchist. This wasn't much of a problem, she knew the rules and played by them like the book. What comes to mind and where the problem is, that book her aunt gave her some four years ago, the one entitled: "A young woman's primmer on becoming a lady" just the thought of such a book in her present state of mind was enough to send rage down every vein in her body. Karen was the kind of woman that rode motorcycles, carried a single edged knife in her front pocket, and generally caused trouble for people who weren't intellectually armed.

The thought of the book her aunt gave her seems to always make her mad, her real friends come over and see the book which always gives them something to poke fun at her about, today has seen it's last beam of light. Karen looks through her bookshelf at the books that she is proud to have bought and own, about a hundred books from notable authors. Yet the one that grated her nerves she had put under the sofa in the hopes it would simply disappear. Today she was cooking prime rib, and then she was most defiantly going to cook her book in revelry.

Twenty minutes later the prime rib was fully cooked and turned out nicely. She wondered if she felt like eating first and then turning the heat up to sear the pages of the books she hated most. She figured her appetite would be best if she cooked the book first and ate second. Might even make the prime rib taste better she thought.

The Space Disaster

"The launch is scheduled for T minus five minutes." the project coordinator said into the bullhorn. Jack looked at his watch and noticed that they were running twenty seconds late; not a good sign for this kind of project. It had been ten years in the making, the first trip outside the solar system using dark energy as fuel.

It was considered by some that the dark energy would be safer not to mention the fact it's a few thousand times faster than conventional rockets. Jack who was to pilot the ship would be the first to make such a trip. They assured Jack that everything would be tolerable, the testing in the labs showed no signs of danger to the mission or human kind.

The time for doubts was two weeks ago before the project was given the final green light; now they are 100% dedicated to moving forward regardless of being right or wrong. This project means everything to Jack and his crew of a hundred and three space cowboys.
"We're looking at T minus three minutes." the project coordinator said this time in the PA system that was also piped to the crowds outside the launch site. There were several thousand people outside to watch this launch and billions of people watching television anywhere possible.

Jack and his team made the necessary preparations last week, the final check list to be followed during the launch sequence. Right now there on line number 222 which is the point of no return for Jack and his crew. Once the quarks are released into the dark energy booster the ship must take off or risk blowing up.

Jack who knows he has a limited amount of time says, "Were on line two hundred and twenty two. Should anyone have reason to abort the mission, speak now or forever hold thy peace." The line was silent. Jack waited five seconds and flipped the switch to release the quarks into the dark energy booster. 'Now the ship will lift off regardless of the count down.' Jack thought to himself.

This left just five lines in his checklist, he waited for the ships computer system to show the temp of the dark energy booster; the digital LED from the computer read: "330k" the dark matter would reach "500k" in just ten more seconds. Jack waited. "Were looking at T minus one minute for lift off" the project coordinator said into the PA system.

Jack thought, 'less than that' as the dark energy booster reached max temp and Jack flipped the final switch which ignited the dark matter, quarks, and oxygen in a blast that lifted the sixty ton space carrier from the ground at a rate of a hundred miles per second.
The crowds weren't disappointed, the show was unbelievable. One second the space carrier was on the ground the next second it was in outer space. Mission control was still counting down from nineteen, someone had the brains to turn the countdown off due to the fact Jack had jumped the gun so to speak. Guess he was a bit antsy to get going, maybe it was the fact they were twenty seconds behind schedule and the time wouldn't wait.

Once in orbit of the planet, the crew could plan for a long haul space ride of over a billion miles, for which they would release the first booster into outer space and really light up the second dark matter booster. Check lists were followed, lights and switches were turned on and off as needed, everyone was alert and awake.

Jack was on the com link, "Please prepare for separation of first and second stage boosters, be sure we only disconnect stage one booster." Check marks were made on paper and knobs turned to the right spot, plastic shielded switches were uncovered and switches flipped to on. Jacks crew chief Dan was on the com link and said, "Are we ready for separation, we show the green light and need verbal conformation on this one." Kate the ship specialist looked at her checklist and then the instrument panel. She double checked it and said on the com link, "We have no problems in separating the stage one booster. Your a go."

Dan looked at Jack and says, "We're good to go. When your ready." Jack checked the temp on the stage one booster once again, it looked cold enough. Jack turned the com link on and said, "Releasing stage one booster now." he waited five seconds and flipped the switch, the ship didn't bounce an inch when the stage one booster was released.

"Crew, please prepare for ignition of stage two booster. Please double check our flight sheet and the instrument panels, so we don't have any screw ups. Thanks." Jack signed off and closed his eyes for ten seconds. 'This is the part were we find out if were any good.' Jack thought to himself.

Jack got on the radio and spoke with mission control, "Looks like were good to go, stage one booster has been released and were looking at lighting stage two booster now. How did the launch look from earth? It was hell of a ride for us!" mission control came back on and said, "Good work guys, looks like a successful launch to us." Jack opened the radio link again and said, we will call you back after our next separation." Mission control said, "Roger that."

The flight team made the final adjustments for the second dark energy booster to be lit up, Dan looks at Jack and says, "were looking at less than two minutes." Jack went through the check list and flight plan of how to light the second booster.

Two minutes later....

"Preparation of dark energy stage two booster complete, all checklists are go." Kate confirmed as Jack reached out and uncovered the switch that would ignite the stage two booster, 'I have an awful feeling about this.' Jack thought to himself, he opened the com link and asked, "Anyone think this is a bad idea?" the line was silent, he waited a full twenty seconds and no one said a word. With that he committed to flipping the switch and when he did.

The view from earth told the story best, thank god we didn't all burn that day, there was a fire in the sky; all space was on fire and burning. It didn't last longer than two days, the whole universe actually burned down, yet some how stayed afloat. Now the sky is yellow we shall never forget the men and women of space carrier #2048.

Head On

As he sang along to the pixies in a tune every punk knows by heart, he lit another cigarette and threw the match out the window. Alex doesn't believe in using disposable lighters, not today, not likely tomorrow. He was on holiday in the least likely place of places the Florida keys, he was there solo on the motorway as he was about to take a drink of coffee fresh brewed and hot when a big rig going the other way comes into his lane and hits him head on.

The loneliness is what bothers him the most that and he isn't able to smoke a cigarette in the hospital. He looks at the calendar, he scratches his chin and feels the stubble, two days since he last shaved. It was twelve weeks ago that tragic day he was driving to see the oil slicks in what was once a beautiful place. He thinks it must have been a damn stupid idea now. He hasn't had one visitor since he checked in, besides having broken ribs, a fractured arm and two broken legs things are fine. At least it was all a clean break.

He remembered in a past life that he had been on vacation to the keys most of it was hell, not much different than being here in traction; except he flew home and had a safe trip. He gets a bit of mail from time to time, a get well card from another person who is some three thousand miles away. He checks the calendar again where the circle is through a two day stretch, his expected release date. "Damn!" He's thinking he's going to be happy to be back home. He looks at the week long area between where the days are marked off and where the days are circled.

He counts the days down, looking forward to his first drag on a cigarette in almost fifteen weeks, that and the trip home in a wheel chair for another two weeks before he can walk again. Somewhere between the airport and home is another hell waiting for him. Somewhere fear creeps in and makes you think about what could happen next.

July 10, 2010 @ 15:31:02

Alex is working on his second cigarette in ten minutes. A complete stranger among mortals who have never known what it's like to be run over by a peter built at sixty miles an hour. the cafe isn't packed, it's the usual crowd most of the people who knew him, pretend not to know him now. He doesn't look the same, not to mention the isolation of laying in that hospital bed had upon his psyche.

Alex flicks another match and lights up, throwing the burning match to the ground where it goes out in mid air; he wonders if anyone is going to join him. As it turns out no one does, he sits in silence for the better part of an hour and packs it up to head back home. There are no new messages in his in box today, the voice mail system shows no new messages. He thinks back to before the accident and remembers he didn't really have any friends to start with.

Alex thinks, "after thirty five years of life a person would have some friends with some deep roots". Those that care about each other through it all.


by Edger A. Guest

This is courage: to remain
Brave and patient under pain;
Cool and Calm and firm to stay
In the presence of dismay;
Not to flinch when foes attack,
Even though you're beaten back;
Still to cling to what is right,
When the wrong possesses might.

This is courage: to be true
To the best men see in you;
To remember, tempest-tossed,
Not to whimper, "All is lost!"
But to battle to the end
While you still have strength to spend;
not to cry all hope is gone
While you have life to carry on.

This is courage: to endure
Hurt and loss you can not cure;
Patiently and undismayed,
Facing life still unafraid;
Glad to live and glad to take
Bravely for your children's sake,
Burdens they would have to bear
if you fled and ceased to care.

The Pebble.

The Pebble.

The pebble

lost and forgotten in the sea, upon the mountain perhaps never seen.

still worth notice; even in the rain.

the broken pebble will never heal,
yet it goes on in anguish, awaiting to be dust.

thrown down stream through powerful waters,
the pebble drowns time after time, wishing for a breath of air.

until there is nothing left of that pebble it shall endure;
and upon becoming sand or dust those too shall endure until the end of all things.

Poem Between Unknown Friends

This poem is for us;

may our memories of each other never haunt us!
rather they are there to remind us of whom we love and why.
Through it all there is no one but each other
that could fill the shoes of our best friend.
I shall not fear even the worst from you,
and I welcome all the love my heart
can hold that you share along the way.
It's not that I'm invincible to your ways;
rather I know you share the love I have for you,
and you would only share with me
what's in our best interests.
may my love keep you alive as long as you wish to continue.
just remember I too need a sparkle of your love to keep living;
I'm not without hopes and dreams.
Were made of the same stuff.
May our hopes and dreams no matter how wild or far out there
be the things we would both agree upon.
And together we will do more than anyone ever dreamed possible.
I'm wishing you the best and sky's of blue ;
I just hope I've been the sort of friend you have been to me.
by Christopher

My Zen Poem


zen is hello before goodbye,
 it fills the many years of friendship
 and empties many years of loneliness.

zen is in all you do; it is without that which you don't do.

it is the full bucket of air which you carry to get water.

zen is like knowing the earth,
 while knowing ones self of neither life or death.

it is the the drop of water from the last snowflake to melt.

and yet it is all the snowflakes and all the drops of water,
 filled with ideas, we drink from within an attitude.

Dear Goth...

 cold black night, awaits

 walk among the tomb stones in the rain

set before you a pillow of dark thoughts
night terrors go hand in hand with loneliness
 you wouldn't want it any other way.

morbid thoughts come with the territory;
 no one that thinks and has lived before
  would disregard death.

you would live and die a billion deaths
 each time for one more shot at life.

it's not life you hate
 or god if you believe that way.

know the moon; 

 it's phases and times.
  note the cycle of dreams in it's shores.

it's the lies the world wants you to believe.
 those lies you hate.

fire within the heart.
 burn it into the tomb.

listen in patience.
 never waste words on those who will not listen.

those icy hearts are not ours.
 you wouldn't trade your compassion for a dime.

befriend those without friends;
 beware of those with too many friends.
 beware of false friends, those who lie.

in the humble places of darkness, 
 dwells the greatest of minds.

sometimes we look like normal people;
 yet the well of dark thoughts runs deep.

there are four enemies;

i know you will stay true; I have hope in you. like the truth
 that a rose will always fade.
 you always come back to balance the darkness;
  and tell those that lie 

   to shove it!!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

in the spirit of beowulf

From across the oceans upon stormy waters arrived the men of fame. The legendary tronwolf introduced himself saying, "We are geeks, programmers from old, we have come from the grid to rid your land of a monster." the wise king replied, "How can you rid our land of these windows?"

Tronwolf replied, "We shall go through the matrix and fight them at their source." The king thought about these words a long time before saying, "Tis certain doom to enter the matrix from here, even for a hero."

Tronwolf from the fold in his armor brings forth an install disk and says, "We've brought with us the installer for Macintosh OS X, behold!"

The great and mighty king could have cried from joy that a hero has come from the grid to rid his land of the monster windows. "Oh tronwolf, should you purge our lands from this monster, you shall be remembered always as a hero."

Tronwolf replied, "Tis not fame we seek, nor your gold, if we die it shall be for glory."

Saturday, July 6, 2013

A Day At The Races

Fluid, H2O; captured between the elements. just a few drops, try to imagine them racing to the finish line; waiting for their prize. In a world where film photography will be forgotten this image shows a bit of history.

Seems these days film photography is being left behind; how fast things change. The image shown here is of a film reel used in processing black and white film, I think it's something I will miss in the years to come.

Everything has become more instant than interesting; I remember when it took hours of effort in the dark room to get one good print, digital photographers have only time with photoshop to make a great image. Not that there is anything wrong with digital photography, but the experience is very different.

There was a feel of craftsmanship to film photography, something you could point to when the power went out and say look it's still here.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

- Zen Saying: Updated

To the swords man; show him your sword.

To the man that is not a poet, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR POEM!!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Theory #3

Ok, you may say black isn't a real color. Please try telling your computer zero isn't a valid number.

Theory #2

The wheel only works if it's perfectly round. anything less and you must reinvent the wheel.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Theory #1

Apples are better than oranges. The reason for this is because orange is a color and you shouldn't eat that! What do you think? What are my reasons for this line of thought? Is there any way in hell you can see my point of view?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Lifestyle for modern society

Order fancy drinks that are complex.

Order a simple meal

Read the news paper

Talk about horror films if your having bad dreams at night

The gods are exacting in one thing; be humble. don't brag. pride before a fall.

Listen to your internal voice carefully. if your screaming at yourself, your screwing up and need to pay attention.

Aches and pains? what did you last think or keep thinking?

Thoughts come and go. let them. don't try to hold on to the past or worry about the future. live in the present.

Stick to any thoughts that you keep to yourself and feel cold. It's easier to deal with the cold ones. get too hot for too long it might burn up your wiring.

Having a real bad day or need special treatment from someone? tell 'em it's your birthday.

Serious relationships are ALWAYS totally casual in public. no will ever know your more than acquaintances.

When you decide to get married tell them it was an arranged marriage.

Monday, June 18, 2012


Hair Stylists rule the world. One bad hair cut and your career could be washed up. -unknown

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The next space mission: updated

Install permanent high power laser(s) on moon that will always be on. point the laser vertically with the solar system as high powered as possible. those searching for life in this area will find the light beam and discover the human race.

with this configuration it should create two circles. one of our general location, one that pin points our exact location. it requires two lasers of different color and strength. will explain further next update.

Get Fedex to deliver and NASA to install.

this is only if we really want to be known outside of earth. (maybe we don't)

think about it.


As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
so every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in it's day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.


Herman Hesse
The Glass Bead Game


Better to have a FIRE Within YOU, Than a fire UNDER YOU!! - unknown

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Idea: floating or levitating bed ; Updated

If someone could build a bed that uses magnets to make it float above the ground, that would be way cool. I think this is possible with today's magnets, it may require four L shaped brackets to keep it from floating off the magnetic track and to hold it in place. this would be so cool.

>Want a bed that is 100% floating off the ground. shouldn't be high off the ground and if necessary >suspended from the ceiling only as necessary to keep it from floating off and crashing to the ground. >might need to tune the electromagnetic field to meet brain wave requirements. might be good.
>An Air Mattress is NO WHERE close to a real bed. think twice before ordering.

Friday, May 4, 2012


class is the ability to transend social circles with out being fake.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Quote #??

you can eat ketchup or tomatoes, but please never both. - unknown

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

pi day

Today is one of my favorite days. it's pi day!! cool.

see the web site here

hope your having a good day.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

digital cigarettes

i just got a new electronic cigarette, i plugged it into the computer and used it twice. guess what? my computer is now addicted to nicotine. oh well, at least it's not tobacco.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Digital Ink Shortage

Scientists Warn of Coming Digital Ink Shortage
we've long taken the use of colors on computers for granted, now something strange has begun to happen. web pages are being rendered in black and white grayscale. we did some research on the problem only to find out digital ink has been outsourced to china.
while scientists and computer hackers are busy trying to find out how to load digital ink into their computers, it's becoming clear the problem isn't just going to go away.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

What We've Gained

The home stereo system is dead. We have moved to using music on our computers and fancy speaker systems. The sound quality is just as good and it's one less thing we require to have on a shelf. Since iTunes has been in business 100% of my music is on my computer, iPhone, iPad or Apple TV.

The only place I can still see the need for a stereo system is in an automobile. Even then I'm using my iPhone to play tunes through the auxiliary port in the system. Things have changed in big ways. There is no longer the need to purchase audio cd's and carry a cd player for music. With the available selection on my iPhone it would fill a shopping cart with cd's that would never fit in my backpack. Not to mention having to switch cd's out each time I wanted to play a different band.

With a MP3 player it's simple to carry a wide variety of music and switch between bands whenever I please. I'm no longer a slave to the radio, with the freedom to choose my tunes and play what I want to hear.

I'm glad this change has taken place. I listen to more music now than ever before. I own a wider selection of music than ever before; and the sound waves from my speakers keeps the air alive day and night with sound vibrations. This is a high velocity environment. Just don't get in the way of danzig playing.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Custom Avatar

Not everyone has a custom avatar they cost a lot and most will be willing to wear a sally, sara, sandy, or jane. But not everyone will wear a Christopher, those cost a lot!! Let me tell you it's worth every penny. Some will walk, many will hitch a ride but don't let it be known you have a free ride. There is not a gift in the sea. And even nature knows it's toll. If you pay attention then there is no friction. Sometimes we have to take the body we can get, but it's all for a good reason never fear.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Product Idea: Guardian Angel

This would be a screen locking proximity app with a clip on bluetooth device. With the product installed, and the clip on attached to your clothing anytime you move past ten feet from your computer the screen automatically locks itself. this has a wide range of uses, mostly in business where it's important to keep your computer locked when not attended.